So much for have a relaxing summer. Although I must say I am having fun. I'm glad school is out though. I severely needed a break. Everything went well for classes...well, minus one calss that I'm not going to talk about...

OH! I saw the most amazing performance for Jazz Fest. It was the opening show. 'Hiromi's Sonicbloom' was the name of the show. She is a pianist from Japan and I was taken away. I seem to have turned into a bit of a music snob lately but she was fantastic. She was quite funny too. Great show. Her soloing was...*gack*...I can't ever comprehend it. She was play three keyboard/pianos at once and was playing harmonies and everything off the top of her head....It's been about a month now and I still can't get over her...

There were quite a lot of people in Jazz Fest I wanted to see; including some friends. However, things always seemed to be getting in the way. I was actually disapointed with how little I saw. Next year I will make more of an effort because I really enjoyed what I did see.

I started English online....interesting concept but I really like it. I find it much more helpful and motivating than doing it by book at home...at least online you have a teacher (whether or not you get to see them is up to you...) Plus, doing it with a friend will ensure I get it done.

Math 11 is getting there! I am so excited for it to be done. It's still ironic that I did math 12 before 11 but...yeah, I'm weird. I'm on chapter 7 out of 8...just a bit mroe to go!

So I still haven't been camping yet. My C4 class can't really pull it together. But I'm still going with friends...eventually. =) It will happen though. I'm looking forward to it.

I GOT A SAXOPHONE!!! *giddy squeals* I got a soprano sax the other day and I am so thrilled. I couldn't wait to play it. I'm having a bit of trouble with the lowest bit of the horn but I'm working on it. I love it! It's by far my favourite. It's hard to get across just how excited I was about getting it...my brother thinks I've gone crazy.

I went to see Harry Potter the other day. It was....corny actually. More so than most movies even. I think Lavender was a little overboard...really overboard. I know she was a little...obsessive in the books but, it was just obnoxious. I'm not quite sure I understand why Death Eaters can fly....are they supposed to be half-apparating except...not? Luna was perfect. Draco was played quite well actually. Out of everyone I was impressed with his performance. The guy who played Tom Riddle was creepy...just creepy. I liked Snape....there wasn't really a whole lot about the Half-blood Prince though....Narcissa was...not what I expected. Which is neither good or bad. It was just different. I don't know, I'm glad I saw it but....I could have waited I think....

I am still enjoying volunteering for...everyone. Next up I have lantern fest called Luminara and a swim for the MS Society. Should be fun.

I've been writing again. Yay! A couple poems and a few stories. I'm been trying to get a grasp on my stories lately...they're flying everywhere! I must make myself write more. I enjoy it way too much to pass up.

Wow, I just sat here for ten minutes after writing that thinking about stories...heh, I guess that's all my rambling for now then =)

Oooh, summer is almost here. Eleven school days to go!! And then exams =/ I really can not wait for this school year to be over. It has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I had extreme highs and extreme lows. I'm just so ready for a break. Here are my plans for the summer.

1) I will RELAX....Yay!
2) I will go camping with
           my C4 Class
           some of my close friends multiple times
3) I will practice my instruments and music
           both saxophones, clarinet, flute, theory, etc
           sax lessons hopefully =D
4) I will spend some time with my friends who are graduating before the leave
5) I will complete the last bit of math 11 I have to do.....and I will do English 10 with Morgan
6) I will visit some family and had fun

I can't wait. Although now that I look at the list, it looks quite busy...haha, ironic.

I'm so happy. I haven't written any creative writing other than for class in two years. Two years of writer's block is...painful. So here's my story.

My friend is a musician and has been writing songs like mad. Constantly coming up with new songs. And I love it. He sings and plays the guitar for me. So one day he told me that his goal was to write a new song every night. And I just said, "If I did that with my writing I might actually start writing again..." So he made me a bet/challenge that I had to go home and write a poem and he would write a song. I wasn't allowed to go to bed until I had written it....

And you know what? I did it! I am so proud. I have not written one ever night. I have now written five poems though. And I really like them too. I also started a new story....Hahaha, oh boy. I have so many story ideas I just need to be able to get them down on paper....which is a whole other story....I have plenty to say; I just don't know how.

Speaking of!! My biggest challenge in music currently is improvising. It's not that I'm worried about being the only one heard. I can do written solos. I can also read chord...given, I can't do them fast....but I understand what they mean anyway....so I don't know, I just go mind blank. Really. I always have things bouncing around in my head. Always. I do many things at once in my head. But whenever I have so solo, even in rehearsals or warm up I just can't do it.....so my jazz instructor has finally MADE me do it....after two years I'm finally starting to crack my shell. I started just playing the tonic of each chord....then tonic with multiple rhythms....then different octaves of the tonic. Then I could add in M3 and M5....and then I tried a new approach of playing random notes ignoring the chords and doing whatever.....yes, it sucks, it sounds bad (no joke, nobody in my band will dispute that) but there is a bonus that I'm trying and I'm starting somewhere. Even if it is at ground zero.....or negative 20....however you look at it. I play with people who are going to study music as a life long career and are going around the world and to McGill for university in a could months....so I really am grateful for their patience with me.....because I can't solo worth squat....=D I'm working on it though.

Over the past couple of years I've learned a lot. One thing being that I don't know anything. Heh. And in some ways it's true, there is just so much to know that....I really don't know anything really. However, before I go off course I'm going to talk about what I've learned about friendship, trust, moving on, letting go, and struggling to keep them alive. So here it goes:

I see three categories of people you could possibly know personally and care about. Friends, Relatives, and Family. And this is where many people see things differently from me. I consider myself fortunate to come from a family that....isn't all "blood related". It's very unique and often times too confusing to understand my relationship between myself and other members of my family. Friends and relatives I think most people can come to their own conclusion on what they mean. But family to me is people you hand pick from your friends and relatives to be apart of. They are specially chosen.

Many people have told me that your friends don't really matter, it's your "family" that counts. "family" being in the traditional sense of mother, father, siblings, etc. But some people don't have that "family". Some people simply aren't loved by their "family" in all truthfulness. It's sad but it is very true. Some people grow simply into wonderful people because of other forces of people who took them in to care for without becoming "family".

And friends do count. They play a very important role in your life. You grow from interacting with them. You learn. No, they probably won't be there forever and ever but....did you expect them to? Life happens, people move....and more prominent, people change. Be grow and move on. It's a fact of life. There are many people I don't expect to see after I graduate. Ever. And that's perfectly fine with me. It's not sad. It's not happy either but....it's what I'm expecting. They're meant to help me grow only for that small section of my life while in high school. After that, both parties move on with life.

Relatives....well, simply put, related to you by blood or marriage. They probably have some 'official' title like aunt, uncle, brother, cousin, step-daughter, niece, grandfather, and so on. I hate to break it to people but....they don't have to care. I've witnesses it myself. One doesn't always love the one they gave birth to. Some people just....can't love them.

Family is a precious thing though. It is something that means a lot to me. I am not a people person. I often strive to be away from others in my own thoughts but my family is made up of people I love. I love each and every one of them. I care for them. They are the people that I feel pain when they do. It's a much smaller group of people but....I'm very fortunate to have. My family is made up of relatives and friends. People I've known my entire life and people I've know for much shorter. Each has made their own way into my heart in their own unique ways.

I've lost people I consider family. Not to death, death is easy to part with. But to time, distance, and unresolved issues. That creates a heavy heart. I don't tend to trust people. I've been told that you can't truly love someone unless you trust them. And I agree to an extent. You need to trust them 100% to be themselves and stay true to that. It doesn't necessarily mean you trust them with absolutely every possibly secret or aspect of your life or knowledge. But trust is a key founder. And it is hard. I have issues trusting anyone, family included. It's just something I work towards. Giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting them with that is opening yourself right up and handing them a knife because you know that even if that knife does make it's way to you, it is still morth it. When you consider everything that could go wrong or bitter and still think the good would outweigh the bad, that is when it's worth it. When no matter the amount of pain that could be caused, the good that came out is still worth it all.

I've started caring less about friendships lately. Many seem too juvenile to me and based on nothing. It's the much fewer friendships I've created that go much stronger and held together by trust, love, and experience that I fight for. Some people are just permenantly etched into  your minds and hearts and your feel the urge to make those bonds even stronger and hold on to them for deal life....because they are your life. They make up parts os your every day. You describe yourself in terms of them.

Sometimes when you meet someone you have no idea who they will be to you. Sometimes you can know someone as an acquaintance for years before one day you realize how well you get along, then how much you care, and one day this almost stranger is someone you love deeply.

Be open. Care. And think with your mind and your heart molded as one. Prioritize and you will see the things in your life with much meaning clearer.

For Spring Break I was extremely fortunate to be able to go to Greece for nine days. I went with a school group and got to travel around the country. It was....spectacular. But in a different way from the Philippines. First, I had no family there. I didn't really even have any friends there. I knew the names of....most people who were on the trip but that was about it. However, I came out of there a couple friends more.

The scenery was....beautiful. It was exotic, natural, and modern all at once. And the charm, just the charm of the city is enough to get high off of. The landscape alone was a wonder. There are plenty of hills and mountains. The weather was beautiful the entire time....although it did rain on us once. But after living where I do, rain is a periodic thing that can go by almost unnoticed. I saw many gardens, fields, meadows, mountains, valleys, the whole works.

The people. Oh my, I loved the people. I enjoyed interacting with others and learning about "regular people's" every day lives. Of course, our school went around Greece with a tour group and we just SCREAMED tourist. However, when we went off on our own it was much better. We fit it more....but I'll get to why later. I loved the culture there. How people thought, arranged themselves, worked. It was all something to learn and experience from.

And believe it or not, I found two people I would have never really met other wise and fell in love. Really, just friends, but I got to know them pretty well. I guess that's what 24/7 or in this case 24/11 does to people. One of them in particular I got well acquainted with. From the first airport on our way through out the entire trip I spent with him. I'm not too much of a people person, I get easily annoyed with immaturity (which is why high school is sort of hell.....) but he, Alex, was just an amazing person. There were five of us who spent the entire trip together. By the end, most of us were ready to kill each other....literally; there were a few close incidents....

I mean, you don't have to get to know people around you. It's a choice. But Alex and I just spent the entire time we had learning about each other. We talked about everything. EVERYthing. We did the typical favourite colour, band, music, books, movies, shows, etc. But we also talked about plans for our futures, biggest regrets, things you miss, people you miss, what you could live without, what you couldn't. We talked about politics, our own and others around the world. We debated the most efficient government. We talked about religion, abortion, death penalty, suicide, love, hate, anger.....we talked about what it's like growing up with a parent in the military. We compared and contrasted the sibling that gets all the attention and pressure and the sibling that is forgotten and kind of the failure in shadows of another....we talked about what marriage has become in our society, human rights, global warming, favourite flavour icecream, what names we would possibly name our children. What names were so out of the question. We talked. A lot. And it was really free to. The was no judgments made. You could just feel it. And it's not because we agreed on everything. We definitely did not agree on everything. We were just so curious in learning about another's perspective that we were open.  We taught each other a lot. And I came out with a friend I would not have met other wise.

Oh, and people thought we were local because he looks like he could be and I pick up accents really fast without meaning to so even though I was speaking English I had a Greek accent (very interesting combination).

We started off in the more uptown part of Athens. Scratch that, the very uptown of Athens. We then spent days travelling by bus up and around the country. We stopped in many different cities along the way. One of which was Delphi. It was so beautiful up there. The site was....beyond words. I'll be talking about architecture later....Another night we were out by the water and watched the sun sun over the horizon across the bay. We went up and down a mountain  (over the course of two  days) and the view was so gorgeous. It actually reminded me of BC. I guess I really am a BC girl at heart =P It was a great view.

We came back to another part of Athens for the last couple of days. This was a more....I think it was a better look into what people who live in the city really live in. It was a much darker place. The building were tall and grey and the city was kind of dirty. It was a much sketchier place. Most people in our group didn't really feel safe going out after 5pm....So of course Alex and I did both nights. *snorts* go figure. But another group of people from our school were out too and saw a person get mugged.....yeah, it was interesting. But don't let that deeter you from going. I encourage everyone to experience traveling across the globe. You learn more in the one week you are abroad than you do being in classes for a year. As long as you are smart about yourself you should be perfectly fine. Just do what I did, don't go anywhere alone and don't be afraid to say no. If you say no to someone approaching you   to talk, get money, go for drinks, whatever it is that you're not comfortable with be firm and tell them no. People back off then. Learn a bit about a culture before you go places. A majority of places in the world the men are very forward about advances, and the is normal. Women just know how to say no there. If you're shy, giggling, wispering, being timid, you might not be getting the message you want across......

Anyway, moving on, the art. Aie! I was in absolute heaven there. I love Greek architecture and history and literature and art and mythology and....the list goes on. We got to see all the touristy sites and go exploring. The Acropolis, Mount Olympus, Zeus's Temple, Poseidon's Temple, The remains of Delphi, many old yet still remaining amplitheatres....It was wonderful. The view from the top of the hill where the Parthenon is looks over all of Athens. Literally, it's hard to explain, but you can do a 360 degree turn and see nothing but city all the way around for as far as you can see. Athens was built out, not up. We saw so many gates, archs, temples, ruins, it's hard to list them all and talk about them. My favourite was by far the amplitheatre. But I can talk about that for an hour so I will spare you. The acoustics though were phenomenal.

Museums were another thing that I got to spend a good amount of time in. It was so breathtaking some of the artifacts they have in there. I'm not really a museum fan...they can get a little boring for me, but I was forever fascinated while in them. There was just so many things to look at and observe. The history of the country is so a foreign aspect to me. My country is still a baby in comparative to almost any other country.

Ahh, just thinking back to it now makes me happy. I had such a great time there. I learned so much more, I gained friends, I further advanced my love and admiration for Greek culture, and I also learned about myself too. And it was a good learning experiences too. I am a much more confident person in many aspects because of lessons I learned there. It was just a fantastic thing for me. I hope everyone can go out and find themselves in such a positive and fun fashion.

Heh, so I came back from a perspective changing experience in the Philippines to....home. And I was nervous. I was going to come back and have to deal with my life again....because I basically made myself forget about life back home. I got back and had exams a couple dyas later....truth be told, they didn't go that bad. Although I was tired as hell. I was falling asleep in the socials exam. It was just SO long. My hand was cramped after. I went home and iced it >.<

I then rejoined the music program. Happiest moment ever....well, not really. But I was so thrilled. That just made my day. I had a new set of classes and I was ready to roll in all my activist clubs again. Environmental, social, political, everything. I was pumped and ready. And you know what happened? I got sick.....*sigh*

Two weeks I was sick out of my mind. So much for that. I kind of got behind but I caught up in everything except math 12. We do a lesson a day and I was then ten lessons behind which is a chapter. Which means I was a test behind....And I actually have not been caught up in that class until now...literally today. Well, I'm currently three lessons back on homework but I still have tonight to work on stuff. Anyway. I was finally starting to get back on top of the ball when Spring Break hit....and I went to Greece. =D

So yes, this is the story of my life. Scrambling to catch up and balances an over-filled plate all the time. Yay.....Although it was kind of my own lessons learned. Yes, I fail at time. yes, I feel like giving up. Some days are too hard to deal with but at the end of it all, no matter how hard you fall you just have to put your feet under you and get back up.

Hmm, so I went to the Philippines for the first time for four weeks. I left Christmas and came back at the end of January (two days before exams! =/) I enjoyed it so much. I learned about the different aspects of culture and see where my family grew up. We still own the same house and everything. It was so great. It was really what I needed at that point and time. Family is such an important thing to me...(reminds me of a topic I should right about). And things at home weren't wonderful so it was great to have that sense of community. I just loved it. We traveled to different islands, cities, and out into the Province. I would write the names of the places down but I would probably mess it up....The islands were Bohol, Palawan, and Boracay. All of them were so beautiful. I enjoyed them all for their own things.

Bohol was kind of over pricey with the whole touristy thing but a lot of my family was there. There was about forty of us. So I'm glad we all got to be together. Palawan was pretty amazing. We went to the market, scuba diving, and went around town. I think part of what made this an even better experience for me is that I got to travel around as a local. My family lives all around there as well as my mom was born and partially raised there and is full Philippino. So, I'm kind of the only one who looks like a tourist I guess. I'm half Philippino and my skin is quite white. And I don't speak the native language.....although I wish I did. Anyway, Boracay I went with just my mom, our friend, my uncle, and my cousin (who's...30). That was really fun and relaxing. I had a lot of fun. Even if I was "the kid" there it was still a great experience.

I will be forever amazed by the amount of relatives I have. Not only that, but the amount I have that are still well connected and know each other. On my dad's side of the family I barely even talked to five people....The contrast of what family means to different cultures is fascinating. And it makes me wonder. Of all the poverty apparent there that either Western communities couldn't even begin to understand people are generally happy. Tired, yes. Lacking health and education, yes. But they still have family. They still have the people who love them, have fun with them, and make them happy. Because even when they are down to nothing, there is still plenty to live for.

I been inspired by what I saw, who I met, and the family I grew stronger to. I think that's what's important. And I love them very much.

Wow, okay. So I basically dropped off the face of the planet. About right after my last entry in October(!!) I had the mental break down as was wary about happening. It hit full force actually. It didn't help how thing were sort of going at home. Everywhere was just simply unproductive and a lot of negative environments that didn't help my mental state. Plus, I was super packed busy with some very pressing deadlines.

So, I quit everything....everything. Well, basically. I tolled my music instructors that I would be leaving for the term and my plan was to rejoin come second semester in February. I backed off from volunteering and helping out a whole lot in the clubs.  If there is anything that I missed so much it actually hurt, it was the music. I dropped about seven music ensembles to free up time. I ached to practice all the time. There were times when I just needed music. I needed to play, listen, anything to do with music. But I didn't. I had a lot to do and I needed to get it done. I actually managed to pull most of my life together. It took some serious time and commitment but my courses all got finished with good marks...I was skimming failing before and ended the semester with straight A's....barely.

I left for the Winter Break having caught up to most and left for the Philippines where I will continue on in another entry because if I try to update my life in all one entry it will be too long =D

Hmm, I need to update on here. What to say...where to start....well, school is busy. I spend on average 10 - 12 hours there everyday. This is my easy semester though. Next semester is probably going to cause my head to implode...Maybe I'll be able to get at least 90% in all subjects. I think that's going to be a stretch this year. Especially since my focus this year is definitely not on my studies....

I need to sleep more. I'm aiming for six hours a night...how sad. Oooh! I'm excited though. I've been eating regularly. I'm so proud of myself. I have breakfast, a snack, lunch, afterschool snack, dinner, and another snack before bed....that's the most I've eaten in....well, a long time. Even though I've been really busy my anxiety levels have [pretty much stayed the same. If anything they went down. Which I'm glad about...but I'm also pessimistic. I have a theory that reality hasn't caught up with me yet which is my I'm still calm...I shouldn't think like that....*happy thoughts*

My school groups are progressing. We have some projects for the year building up and getting organized. It's going to be great.

The bands are....they have the potential. And you can hear it sometimes. We sound amazing at times...other times, not so much. We just need to work harder and stay focused. The songs are cool though. I have a few favourites I love hearing...when we play them right....it's not so great when we butcher the songs.

I dear friend of mine is dying. I feel...I'm not really sure. His cancer started spreading rapidly and....I'm not sure exactly how much time he has left. I feel kind of empty about it. He has been such a great influence on me. I know he's getting old but....he shouldn't have to go. He's been through so much, the world has thrown everything at him. He was a survivor of the Holocaust and he's dedicated his life to children and learning. He helped me learn to forgive and see all sides of something. I look forward to his stories every time I see him. A few other students and friends who have been inspired by him are putting together an appreciation video for him....

A few of my parents think I'm lazy and unorganized....which to tell the truth is a load of shit....I don't have the energy to rant about it now. It's ridiculous.

Elections coming up! Well, the Canadian one anyway. I met with all the MP's in my area. A few of them were so full of....they seemed to fake. It was unbelievable. I was however impressed with two of them. The Liberal's Keith Martin and the Green Party's Brian Gordon. I felt that both spoke well for their parties and did not give off any condescending attitudes (by the way, they came to my school for a presentation. My friend phoned them all up!).

Apparently I need to go right now so, that's all for now!

Well, School's back. I still have a few hours before it starts but....I wrote this poem a good five years ago. Anyway, I thought it was relevant =D

Summer's here, it's time to laugh,
No more homework, French, or math.
Go to the beach and have some fun.
Scream and shout 'cause school is done.
To the lake with some friends,
Don't stop there the fun doesn't end.
Water fights, fishing, fun games to play.
Go outside on a bright sunny day.
Boating, camping, whatever you please.
Watch out for the wasps and bees.
September comes, and what a surprise.
Look at this work in front of our eyes,
Science, socials, and English too!
What on Earth and I going to do?
Get out our pencils and start to write,
Studying for tests 'till eleven at night.
School's back and summer's gone.
Oh boy! What else could go wrong?